fundul lorenei

Am scris mai demult, in articolul dedicat igienei sexului anal, despre cum trebuie procedat pentru a evita surprize maro (aka Santorum). Am scapat unul dintre sfaturi, dar mi l-am amintit citind un articol de pe un blog de fita.

Trolling the SlutWalk

Not long ago, the blogosphere has been rocked by a major controversy: was the man who exposed his penis at a SlutWalk a rapist?

The human-faced lamb and bestiality

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feel free to bask in the shadow of my penis

I just had a conversation with a cyber-ex. We had a sort of platonic cyber-relationship in the past, meaning we talked a lot about sex & stuff, but never did anything. One mo’ thing: it’s in Ro.

Cu ceva timp in urma, ne-am tot conversatara, dar ea era mult prea serioasa pentru gustul meu, iar umorul meu era mult prea acid, nerespectuos, ireverent si iconoclast pentru al ei, asa ca am cam incetat sa vorbim.

Tzin’ sa fie, tzin’ sa fie? Nu zic, dar ia de vezi:

Conversation with napocella on 4/23/2010 10:38:15 AM:
(10:38:25 AM) cracanelu: tu, fata, ce faci ioi?

(10:55:49 AM) napocella: salut
(10:55:51 AM) napocella: scriu
(10:55:52 AM) napocella: ioi?
(10:56:26 AM) cracanelu: si eu, dar probabil altceva

(10:58:44 AM) napocella: da?
(10:58:54 AM) napocella: tu probabil ceva genial si eu probabil ceva de cacat?
(10:59:28 AM) cracanelu: huh?
(10:59:32 AM) cracanelu: ai probleme la servici?
(10:59:48 AM) napocella: nu am
(10:59:49 AM) napocella: de ce?
(11:00:08 AM) cracanelu: pai ce-ti veni cu interpretarea aia complet nejustificata?
(11:00:16 AM) napocella: nimic
(11:00:25 AM) napocella: pur si simplu mi-ai mai dat arogantze
(11:00:26 AM) napocella: :)
(11:00:28 AM) napocella: that's all
(11:00:43 AM) cracanelu: te simti neapreciata de mine, sau in general?
(11:01:02 AM) napocella: de tine
(11:01:06 AM) napocella: nu neapreciata
(11:01:13 AM) napocella: declarativ neapreciata
(11:01:21 AM) napocella: :)
(11:01:28 AM) cracanelu: m-ai inteles gresit :)
(11:01:38 AM) cracanelu: eu sunt cel mai meserias dintre pamanteni
(11:01:48 AM) napocella: i see
(11:01:52 AM) cracanelu: voi, ceilalti, puteti sa va incalziti in umbra mea
(11:02:00 AM) cracanelu: dar asta nu-i un lucru negativ
(11:02:07 AM) cracanelu: eu sunt generos cu umbra mea
(11:02:17 AM) cracanelu: si in acelasi timp imi apreciez supusii
(11:02:21 AM) cracanelu: si am grija de ei
(11:02:27 AM) cracanelu: si de sanatatea lor emotionala
(11:02:28 AM) cracanelu: nu?
(11:02:40 AM) napocella: nu am idee
(11:02:45 AM) napocella: ce faci tu cu supusii tai
(11:02:59 AM) cracanelu: chiar nu? :)
(11:03:12 AM) cracanelu: uita-te in cyber-trecutul nostru comun..
(11:03:16 AM) napocella: ok
(11:03:23 AM) napocella: nu mai am arhiva
(11:03:39 AM) cracanelu: nasol.
(11:03:46 AM) napocella: deloc
(11:03:59 AM) cracanelu: cine-a zis-o p-aia cu "un popor fara istorie beleste pl?"
(11:04:08 AM) napocella: eu nu sunt popor
(11:04:09 AM) cracanelu: iorga, balcescu sau desunsianu?
(11:04:15 AM) napocella: let alone belirea de pula
(11:04:17 AM) napocella: ma doare in cur
(11:04:21 AM) napocella: cine a zis
(11:04:34 AM) cracanelu: :)
(11:04:40 AM) cracanelu: esti sigura ca n-ai draci?
(11:04:59 AM) napocella: sunt sigura ca nu mai imi plac de multa vreme glumitzele acide
(11:05:01 AM) napocella: de muuuuuuulta vreme
(11:05:22 AM) napocella: poate ca is mai edgy ca de obicei pt ca lucrez
(11:05:37 AM) cracanelu: bine, te las
(11:05:43 AM) cracanelu: succese creative!

Ce-mi veni sa public? Pai nimic, atat doar ca am vrut sa-nchei cu ceva, dar n-am vrut s-o distrag. Si anume, ca sa nu te doara-n fund, pe viitor, foloseste KY Jelly sau Astroglide (astea le tine eu minte, ‘or fi altele noi acum).

Cracanel, im, yahoo, mess, log, yahoo messenger, y!, yahoo!, conversation, conversatie

How Travis the Chimp went kookoo

Recently, we learned that a movie star chimp was killed by the police. Here we take a look at the story behind the story.

Here’s a list of edifying video clips:

What has really happened (our comments in red, Travis’ in italics):

• Travis was 15 years old, suffered from Lyme disease and had 200 lbs (90 kg) – trait Bush was treated of Lyme disease a few years back (wp, cbc)
• In his youth he appeared in ads for Old Navy and Coca-Cola, at the Maury Povich Show and a TV pilot – cultured and with a penchant for the finer things in life
• Travis would go for rides in his owners’ cars and trucks (they had a towing business), opened doors, dressed himself, brushed his teeth, was toilet trained, would bathe, eat at the table and drink wine from a long-stemmed glass, surfed the ‘net for porn and watched TV with the remote – if he kept the toilet seat down, he was certainly the ideal mon! 
• His owner was Sandra Herold and her 55 year old friend Charla Nash – There are a few documentaries around the sex trips taken by old, rich white women to Africa (reuters, ipinions). There’s even a German tourist who went berserk in Kenya in a similar episode (indy).
• Travis also went kookoo in 2003 when he escaped from his owners’ car and roamed the streets of downtown Stamford. He was caught only when he got exhuasted. – Travis : We goin’ downtooown, baby! Let good ol’ Travis show you a goooood tiiiime!
• The day of his death, the owner had called her friend for help. She could not manage him, even though she had given him Xanax. – Travis : Bitch, what did you put in my tea, I feel funny?!? NOOO! We ain’t gonna talk about our relationship again! I don’t luv u, can’t you get it through your head?!?
• When her friend arrived, Travis attacked her as she was getting off the car. - Travis : What don’t tell me that you thought bringing a 2nd old, useless pussy will make me happy? I liked to screw you when you were younger, now you’re like used tires! Take your pussy off my face, you make me sick! Let me just go away, fo’ Chris’sakes! Gimme the key, bitch! JUST GIMME THE FREAKIN’ KEY!!!
• The owner came back with a butcher’s knife and started to stab him (numerous times) – Travis : Oh, no. Not again. You wanna stab me cuz I won’t pleasure u no mo’?!? And what is that? You call that a knife?!? THIS is a knife!! And I won’t stab u wid it no matter how well u beg!
• Police and an ambulance came to care for the owner’s friend, then Travis attacked a few policemen. As they ran to their cars, Travis went after them, and opened the door of a cruiser. The police officer inside shot Travis numerous times. - Travis : Ye freaks! I’ll show you who’s the King of this castle! What’s that, mon? Drop the gun, let’s fight it out, mano a orangutano!
• Travis ran away and seeked shelter in his cage, where he died. – Travis : Checkmate. ‘Tis a good day 2 die.

At the end, a few clips from Monkeybone – watch it, if you’re in the mood for a weird and krazy comedy.

Sources: ng, ap, msnbc, cnn, cnni, bbc, mw, register, torstar, gm, lyme, xanax, yt

Overheard,chimp, idiocy, rage, peta, animals, pets, wild, call of the wild, dementia, monkey, bonobo, chimpanzee

Cougar (46) had sex with animals

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NSFW: ochiul vedic si sexul anal

I recently discovered a blog where some of the themes attacked as of late here - anal sex and the Vedic eye - intertwine in an unexpected fashion. I am presenting it here for you. (NB: NSFW means that you may find what you’re about to see objectionable).

Jonah Falcon, Longest Penis

We have previously written about the longest penis, although it was most likely a fake. Here we go again.

Rocco Luka Magnotta: murder, video, arrest and hypocrisy

I haven't watched the video. What disturbs me most about this whole story right now is how hypocritical everybody is about censoring his videos.

Having a baby vs Starting a business

Our favourite hermit has come up with a list of reasons why having a baby makes more sense than starting a business. Not only that we agree, but we have an even better idea.

Prostitute tariffs, Romania, Black Sea Coast

Have you ever wondered how much do Romanian prostitutes charge at home, what is the street price, how much for sex? We have it the prices and the hotspots next to the Romanian "Littoral" - i.e., Black Sea Coast - where families imbued with a national spirit spend their summer holiday and bored fathers look for illicit pleasures.

din veatza unei d(r)ame cuin III - Emmy

Incepusem sa-ti spun despre Emmy, fata care se iubeste pe bani in hoteluri si apare si la televizor. Cred ca o voi adopta de idola si pe ea, intrucat duce un stil de viata cu bani multi.

Consider ca Emmy este un om cu foarte mult succes. In primul rand, arata foarte bine. Este supla si plina de gratie. Are un mers felin si este deosebit de inteligenta. Uite ce zice cancanu:

"Noi doi nu ne-am culcat. Nu stiu cum e la pat. Jur! Eram dezbracati si stateam unul peste altul, dar nu am facut nimic altceva decat sex oral si atat. Sexul oral nu e chiar sex, e altceva (...) Si, la urma urmei, era iubitul meu", spune cantareata, care precizeaza ca partenerul ei i-ar fi platit atunci, cu cei 200 de euro, "o datorie mai veche". Solista a oferit un adevarat spectacol in camera de hotel, unde fusese invitata de client. In filmul incredibil care poate fi vizionat doar pe www.cancan.ro, Emmy apare goala, miscandu-se lasciv. Solista se apropie de barbatul care-i strecurase bani la chilotei, il saruta pe ici, pe colo si intretine cu el raporturi sexuale normale si orale. Cei doi au fost deranjati de mobilul cantaretei. O data a sunat un barbat de care ea a pretins ca nu-si aminteste. Al doilea apel a intrerupt partida de sex oral: "Da, tati! Pai, haide ca vin... Bine. Nu-l scoate, ma, acum! Te anunt eu cand vin, cand sunt pe langa tine. Pa, tati! Te pup, pa!", i s-a adresat solista interlocutorului. Apoi s-a intors in pat.

Sunt convinsa ca Emmy este foarte experimentata si m-ar putea invata si pe mine cateva lucruri. Iar altele e invidioase ca ele nu poate:

Adriana Bahmuteanu a avut-o de cateva ori invitata in emisiunea sa de la Kanal D pe cantareata cu veleitati de star porno. "Noi invitam persoane excentrice pentru ca fac rating. Scopul lor e sa ajunga la TV ca sa le creasca tariful. Ca doar nu traiesc din concerte. Nu cred ca e singura din showbiz care face asta", a spus ea.

"Fel de fel de prostituate se leagă de numele meu , Emmy este o prostituată, ştiu sigur, se leagă de Simona nu ştiu cum nu îi e ruşine, pentru că este diferenţă mare de la Simona la Emmy. Vreau să înţeleagă lumea un singur lucru: eu nu am cunoscut-o niciodată pe Simona dar nu cred că nu are nimeni dreptul să se ia de Simona" – Magda Ciumac

"Am fost impreuna o perioada. Stiam ca nu e usa de biserica, dar nici nu credeam ca se prostitueaza. Mi-a spus o data ca are 5-6 clienti pe zi, dar am crezut ca glumeste. Am parasit-o fiindca a facut o criza in pat. Eram in plina actiune si s-a oprit, parca picase in depresie. Statea in mijlocul patului si se uita fix", ne-a marturisit Dudu Steel aka Mihai Ciobanu.

Un lucru e cert. Emmy se apara, si se apara bine:

Blonda mărturiseşte că nu are nevoie să facă sex pe bani şi dacă ar face-o nu ar cere 200 de euro. "Eu m-am culcat doar cu doi bărbaţi în toată viaţa mea. Eu nu am nevoie să fac sex pe bani şi dacă aş face-o nu aş face sex pentru 200 de euro."

Simona Sensual care făcând referire la articolul din CANCAN a sugerat că Emmy nu ştie ce bagă în gură şi confundă... "microfoanele"!""Vezi-ţi de ce se bagă în gura ta... Nu ştiu ce se întâmplă în ziua de azi...fetele cam încurcă microfoanele..." Emmy nu a stat pe gânduri şi a ţinut să îi dea replica Simonei care nu a absolvit ca ea şcoala populară de artă şi care mai şi cântă la... "flaut cu guşă!" "M-am apucat de muzică acum 5 ani, am făcut şcoala populară de artă, ştiu să cânt la un microfon adevărat!""Simona cântă la flaut cu guşă"a ţinut Emmy să sublinieze în cadrul emisiunii "Un show păcătos". Simona nu a dorit să pună paie pe foc considerând că Emmy încearcă să îşi facă nume pe spatele ei!

Lumea mondena a capitalei se perinda aproape in totalitate prin paginile Cancan. Eu de ce sa raman pe dinafara? NOT FAIR!

Sources / More info: dudu-steel, simona-flaut-gusa, emmy-sfanta, ciumac-prostituata, decat-oral, bani-chiloti

Cracanel, emmy, emilia negurici, ioan neculaie, magda ciumac, simona senzual, pornografie, porn, porno, pron, pr0n

puttycat fail archive

Sometimes, when dealing with an apparently normal person, we might tend to forget the full complexity of their personality. If your engagement with the said person is unilateral, as it is usually the case with a public persona, you don't need to know more than what they publish or allow to be published in the public sphere. If, however, you engage with someone on a more personal level, sometimes you need to remind yourself of who you're dealing with..