Saturday, February 2, 2013

FreeDwarves strikes again

Radu has published a few bits of his best material yet. I feel the need to share it the non-Romanian-speaking populace.

pee-in-sinkThe first pearl refers to men’s best kept secret.

I'll break the most important code of the male code, and I will publicly share our biggest secret. A secret so dark that no one has ever written.

Nobody has ever told it before. Transmitted from man to man through eye contact. That special light in one’s eye at 5 am. You accidentally collide with another man and you instantly know it. You understand that he does as well. That all do. It's in our nature.

Well, it's time to admit to it. It's the 21st century. To show it all, as Sharon Stone might say.

All men are pissing in the sink.

If they are alone with the sink, they pee in the sink.

You know that cute guy you invited for a movie at your place? When he went to the bathroom, he pissed in your sink.

Because it's convenient, the noise is muffled, you can look in the mirror and, most importantly, you do not sprinkle around.

Your sink was peed on (desecrated).

After betraying this deeply held secret of mEnkind, FreeDwarves suggests a more humane way to achieve the ellusive “4th hole” orgasm.

As it is widely acknowledged, since ancient times man has been concerned with developing the most effective way to beat his woman. Across millennia, man transformed woman-beating into an art. Then, in a few others he refined and perfected it by learning everything there was to learn about beating a woman. The next step was born logically as a question: "When and how to beat a woman to also draw benefit from this activity?".

The answer was discovered quite recently, in the modern era. After laboratory studies, experiments, trial and error it was postulated that the ideal time to beat the woman is during sex, in the goat position. Precisely when you feel you’re about to come and exactly then, you punch her piercingly in the liver. She will gasp and her vagina will contract spasmodically and will give you the most cosmic orgasm that your mind can conceive. Something beyond human capabilities. The legendary "fourth hole".

But we all know that, dear friends and Sógors. Here’s the amazing part. A fellow researcher issued a hypothesis. He posited that we can achieve the effect of "fourth hole" in a more humane and progressive way, without beating the woman, through a simple training exercise, detailed in the following steps:

1. Within a millisecond before each punch you pronounce a keyword firmly, bluntly, in her ear. Preferably words that are not too commonly used such as batiscaf, platypus, scurvy or calophile.

2. The woman's brain will associate the keyword with pain. Calophile, BOOM! ouch. Calophile, BOOM! ouch. Calophile, BOOM! ouch.

3. After a few months of rehearsing daily, keyword delivery is attempted without hitting the woman with the fist in the liver. Normally, in her mind there has already been created a conditioned reflex causing fear to produce the effect "fourth hole" without one hit.

WORTHWHILE experiment, mate!


In the end, even in Pavlov's experiment there was something sexual. Why would a grown man need a dog to salivate?


Personal Note:
I guess this conditioning system could have a complex social impact. For example, one would consider common sense to give the “fourth hole” keyword to the new boyfriend upon parting with your woman. And in this hypothetical situation I think that if you don’t like him you could, in bad taste, give him instead of the "fourth hole" keyword the one for "shit on it."

I will not be translating the comments as well, but you might want to use Google Translate to read them from the source, below.

Sources / More info: flickr, PG-1, PG-2

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thank you for commenting and rest assured that any and all comments are welcome, whether positive or negative, constructive or distructive. Unfortunately, if you comment in this view I might not know about - please use the regular (Desktop) view.
I am using Disqus for commenting, but Blogger is not showing it so your comments may end up not being displayed - tell Google about it!