why you're still single and what to do about it

Recently, I came across an article about a woman's attempts to date successfully at 41. There's some advice from a "dating coach" that anyone could use.

In the source article, Amerley goes through her dating history and how that made her “unhappily single” while her biological clock is sounding the alarm. She summarizes her shortcomings thus:

I wasn’t good at enforcing boundaries, was perhaps a little too picky and I didn’t really know what I was doing when it came to finding lasting love.

“Dating and compatibility coach Caitlin Smith” advised her to “date with intention, not on autopilot”, meaning “figure out who aligns with your vision, what your deal breakers are, and how you want to feel in a relationship.”

So here’s the dream SO:

• someone who was kind, funny, empathetic, a good communicator and politically aligned
• childless, but they needed to be open to having them, and equally fine with not
• no smoking or vaping
• a somewhat stable profession

The coach advised:

1. stop panicking: “Try to imagine a Plan B – what would your life look like if you had children by yourself, or didn’t have any at all. When you get more comfortable with that, you stop dating with a sense of panic – which is where things can often go wrong”
2. swap like a friend is setting you up: “stop looking for reasons to say no, and ask: If my best friend said this person was funny and great, would I say yes? (..) We judge far too harshly on apps. Remember, there’s a real person behind the profile, and if you met them in a bar and you clicked, you wouldn’t be overly concerned with what style of shoes they were wearing.”
3. more matches = more dates: relationship psychologist Julie Schwartz Gottman says it’s what we should be aiming for, as we should all be “dating as many people as possible, to discover what you really want in a person”
4. get comfy with yourself: “Being yourself is important when it comes to building momentum when dating. Often women who have been told they’re ‘too much’ in the past try to be cookie cutter, passive and nice – but what comes across is someone who lacks personality and isn’t genuine. Don’t be afraid to be yourself.”
5. 3-date rule: “When you find yourself in a grey area where you’re no longer attracted to people who are unavailable but you’re also not particularly attracted to people who are – then you need to go on at least three dates with a person, before cutting them loose.”

It seems that what serial daters need is a boost in self-confidence and self-esteem, which is a boon to the psychotherapy industry.

Sources / More info: msn-41s

Ainsi Parlait Cracanelus Excelsior Mutandis: #love, #date, #dating, #psych, #psychology, #so, #significant other, #marriage, #coupling, #couple, #partner, #romance, #advice (Tags)